Conflict in a professional setting is common, but it shouldn't be personal. Reflecting on such incidents is essential because it helps us maintain a logical perspective, ensuring our actions align with our professional values. It allows us to learn from past experiences and develop strategies for handling future conflicts. 

In my previous blog post, I discussed the importance of reflective practice as a tool for self-improvement.  Today, I'm going to share a personal reflection on a recent workplace incident that involved conflict with a colleague and my process of handling and reflecting on the situation. 

The Incident

To provide context, the incident revolved around a patient's care plan and which specialty should take over care. What made this situation particularly challenging was the confrontational and rude behaviour of my senior colleague of a different sub-specialty, who I always had a cordial relationship with. While I usually avoid such confrontations ( as I seldom find it of any use), I could not disengage as the consultant's aggressive approach continued. I held my ground and did not give in to this intimidating approach.

The natural reaction to this kind of encounter is anger or sadness, going over it again and again in my mind. But instead of fruitless rumination, I need to move on, reflect on it, and devise an action plan for the future. You can use different frameworks for the same experience, till you formulate a plan.

Analyze

Using Driscoll's "3W" framework, I assessed the situation.

- What Happened?  A confrontational situation with a senior colleague.

- Why It Happened? It is hard to pinpoint the root cause-

• Could be that he/she felt threatened because they could not justify why they would not take over care?  Or maybe, having personal issues.

•  Could it be something the way I spoke? It was a senior colleague and I was very conscious of trying to keep a neutral tone and tried to disengage multiple times.  This is a colleague                I never had an issue with in the past, although I know of some issues with other people. So this response, also caught me by surprise. 

• Was my referral illogical? Discussed it with another senior colleague. It was appropriate to ask for advice and that involved the sub-specialty. 

- What I Learned? I realized the need to develop strategies to deal with these situations in the future and disengage when I felt this conversation was not going anywhere and deal with.

Reflect

 Using The ERA Cycle:

1. Experience: Understanding the situation - the conflict with a colleague over patient care.

2. Reflection: I thought deeply about my emotional responses and how I handled the confrontation. Internally, I felt disturbed and worried. I didn't appreciate being bullied or degraded, and the situation didn't warrant such behavior. All I wanted was advice and a definite plan for patient care, which can be answered as a simple yes or no!  It was a negative confrontation that left me uneasy, as I personally don’t like to engage in confrontations unless I have to. This was also a senior colleague, so I will not be surprised if there are repercussions in the future.

3. Analysis: I weighed the pros and cons of the situation. I stood up for myself and clarified my logic and thought process, which even my colleague could not refute. But there could be potential repercussions.

4. Action:  I discussed this with another trusted senior colleague, so I could have a reflection from a neutral point of view and talk about how best to manage these situations. 

Learn

Using the Experiential Learning Cycle, I began to reflect on this incident, a bit more in-depth to figure out the learning points and develop strategies.

1. Experience (Understanding the Situation): Handling aggression from a senior colleague.

2. Reflective Observation (Thinking about the Situation): I realized that my emotional response was tied to feeling attacked and bullied. I had chosen to confront the situation rather than avoid it. Could I have avoided it? I did try multiple times to disengage. So in the future, plan an exit strategy from these situations, when you recognize that the conversation is not going anywhere.

3. Abstract Conceptualization (Generating New Ideas): 

Recognize this is going to be a difficult situation early: The signs of aggression such as an aggressive tone, evasive measures like avoiding clarification, blaming other specialties, and not being willing to commit.

Plan of exit strategy: Once I realized that this was a bullying situation, disengaged as soon as possible, using any excuse that is available.

 4. Active Experimentation (Applying New Ideas): 

As soon as you recognize the signs of conflict, 

1. Pause and Take Deep Breaths: When confronted,  pause, and take three deep breaths            (actively count them). This will calm you down and give you time to formulate my response. 

2. Consider the purpose of the conversation: Once you recognize, that this individual will not listen to reason, it is better to disengage. Consider the reason you were having the conversation in the first place

3. Can you Disengage? Sometimes you can not. You have to stand your ground.  Thank them and disengage. Make any excuse if you can not seem to.

4.  Maintain Calmness: Maintain calm, and direct eye contact to convey composure. 

5. Document Conversations: Keeping a record of conversations can be invaluable for future reference. It can be your personal reflection, not necessarily anything official. Always be mindful of what you write in official papers. 

6. Do you escalate? In some situations, you have to escalate. But think and reflect before you do so.

Reflecting on this conflict with my colleague has been a valuable exercise. It has allowed me to understand my emotional responses, analyze the situation objectively, and develop strategies to handle similar conflicts in the future. Conflict in the workplace is inevitable, but we can ensure it doesn't compromise our professionalism or well-being through reflection.

Do you have any such experience? How did you handle it? Share your insight in the comments.